Relationship Red Flags That Are Actually Green Flags
Navigating relationships can often feel like traversing a complex maze. After the blissful “honeymoon phase” fades, many couples encounter feelings of complacency—or worse, boredom. It’s only natural to question whether you’re in the right partnership from time to time. While we tend to identify certain behaviors as relationship “red flags,” it’s important to remember that appearances can be deceiving. In fact, what you might interpret as a negative sign could very well indicate the opposite, shedding new light on your connection and its potential for growth.
Flirting With Other People
Infidelity is never a sign of a healthy relationship. However, just because you’re married or in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you stop being human. Flirting is a fun, playful form of human interaction that can be entirely harmless. If you find yourself flirting or learn your partner has been flirting, don’t panic.
Innocent flirting, so long as it doesn’t cross any boundaries, can actually be a healthy sign in a relationship. It can make parties feel less confined or trapped. It can also serve as a slight confidence booster that could end up benefiting your relationship in the long run.
Arguing Over Little Things
One of the most common reasons people in relationships start thinking the end is near is that they begin to fight more. If every day brings a major, tear-inducing, blow-up fight, it’s probably not a good sign. However, arguing, even or especially if it’s bickering about little issues, doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve reached the end of the road.
Fighting with your significant other can actually be healthy for your relationship because it can make you stronger in the long run. As long as you’re fighting in a healthy way that doesn’t involve verbal or physical abuse, arguing is a way of communicating and voicing opinions that displays passion.
Having Different Hobbies and Interests
Having completely different interests from your significant other doesn’t mean that you aren’t good for one another. In fact, it can actually mean the exact opposite. While some relationships grow from exploring new activities with your partner, maintaining your individual hobbies and interests helps keep you both healthy.
You don’t need to enjoy everything your partner does to make your relationship work. Pursuing your individual passions demonstrates independence, which is important for long-term relationships. Being with someone for the long run doesn’t mean you need to morph into the same person.
Not Always Knowing What They’re Thinking or Feeling
Being in a committed relationship doesn’t immediately turn you into a mind reader. While you certainly get to know someone the more time you spend with them, it’s not necessarily a bad sign if you’re unable to decipher what they’re thinking or feeling at any given moment (or vice versa).
It can be a toxic pattern to expect your partner to be able to read your mind or assume they understand how you’re feeling without telling them. It can set unrealistic expectations that eventually lead to miscommunications and unnecessary arguments. Verbally articulating your wants and needs is a sign of a healthy relationship.
Feeling Like You Need to Continuously Work at It
Feeling like you need to put in the effort to make your relationship work, especially after years of being together, isn’t a sign that you’re failing; it’s a sign that you’re succeeding. Relationships require both parties to be willing to put in the time and attention it takes to keep each other happy.
Of course, if you’re starting to think the relationship is no longer worth the effort, that’s a different story. But it’s not a sign that your relationship is toxic if you and your partner are both making a mindful effort to improve it. It means you both love and care about the relationship enough to nurture it.
Wanting to Keep Some Things Private
It’s a misconception that, for your relationship to be healthy, you need to be an open book. It’s important to be honest and truthful with your partner, especially when it comes to the big things in life. Being authentic and transparent is also crucial when it comes to your feelings and emotions.
However, it’s not toxic if there are some things that you want to keep personal. There are times when maintaining an air of mystery is preferable. For example, wanting to keep the bathroom door shut doesn’t mean you aren’t comfortable with one another; it means you have appropriate boundaries.
Discussing Controversial Topics
It’s a common belief that there are certain topics that are impolite to talk about, such as politics or religion. However, what’s considered “appropriate” for a dinner table or social gathering doesn’t apply to your relationship. Being able to talk about the important things in life, even when they’re controversial or you have differing opinions, can be healthy and even cathartic.
When approached and navigated correctly, debating tough topics — even scary ones such as death — can be healthy. If you trust and respect your partner, it can create a healthy dialogue between two open-minded people. It can also help you feel closer.
Considering Couples Therapy
Not every couple that goes to therapy makes it in the long run. Couples therapy isn’t a cure-all for relationship problems. Sometimes, the events that transpired and led a couple to seek therapy were too damaging. However, that doesn’t mean going to a relationship therapist is a red flag that you’re in a failing relationship.
Couples therapy can actually be an effective method for preventing minor issues from spiraling into major problems. Wanting to see a relationship professional is a sign that you care enough to put in the work to correct any concerns you have.
